Bubbling.

Where did the intimacy of life go? I feel more connected to some weird world than I do to the people I hold closest. I almost hope this is temporary. I feel the distance and it bothers me. Slightly. Unable to feel how deep down it goes, or where it actually ends I let it linger for a moment then gradually the apparency of it dissapears and with it the sensation.
Day by day there has been slow progress, this is not to say problems are not definitely existent, but I'm re-me. Kinda. The old me I once knew. Who really can define a "me". I put so much importance around the word. Hell knows it, I'm self obsessed, don't know how to not be.
My fingers hurt when I focus on them. Does that mean I need a distraction? Does pulling attention away mean there was a distraction, even if its just the natural progression of things, which is what exactly again?
For the first time today I made a tiny story in my head instead of thinking in "nerve town". It helped, I didn't twitch or anything as my mind kind of wandered. Her name was Ida and she lived in a tiny house. Strangers were not her favorite. Thats as far as I got, couldn't think of anything else. Apparently I'm not as productively creative as I desire.
My dentist upon me telling him I was an AP student tried to get into the theoretics of racism and why certain books are read for classes. His vocabulary also expanded quite tremendously. Do so few words really make that much difference in how one acts to another. Guidelines are everywhere. How far do we go? Whats insulting? Likelihood to laugh at this joke? blah blah blah.
What ever I've written I don't claim to hold anymore insight than a slug would have in its despair whilst some child pours salt on it, watching while it bubbles.

My I am in a strange mood.

Sand

Stay, whisper stay into my ear
Beckon on right with a cold forgiving hand
Quiet ones we long to hear
Single and solitary secrets of a grain of sand

Who will listen when we no longer live in sound?
Screaming denial, recognize impact with ground
Pushed and Pulled, he is forced around
Hunger begins only to feed a resting mound

Lay in the wind, lie with the man
Cry into sea-salted might, leave want now alone
Relying on hours to turn might into can
The best broken style knows not to howl at home

Who will listen when we no longer live in sound?
Screaming denial, recognize impact with ground
Pushed and Pulled, he is forced around
Hunger begins only to feed a resting mound

A rising moon falls short no longer

Song

Say then we wish what we will
Laying in the arms of angels dressed in wicked
And asking myself if perhaps it is the other way around
Do we dare admit a merry go round?

But when I close my eyes I see the prettiest flight
and big blue depths inside each sole
the dance of every child finding love is everywhere
Feel what yearning can bring

Barricades hold back black water
Storms bring the sickest truth
I was led to believe stories existed
Inspiration used to be pure

But when I close my eyes I see the prettiest flight
and big blue depths inside each soul
the dance of every child finding love is everywhere
Hold now what yearning can bring

It breaks me down.

Speaking blye

I wish I were talented for if I were you could hear me without screaming
If I were I wouldn’t be prone to such endless dreaming
Skies of Technicolor daze along an endless sky
How far do we stretch until too far is gone
Whispers light up and I’m falling down

A mark has been made a constantly opened scar remains
Staying by the wayside its just another day reciting same old lines
Every spiral run meets another line
Another web entangled in tomorrow’s trail
Waiting

Attempts move on without the affects desired
Captors still are victors victimized
They are mired

Do you hear what lies beneath yet
How far will you not go
You’re dying
I am too
Succumbing to half thoughts
Half true
Quartered

Beside me, lay beside me
Take my hand or let me make mine
Welcoming