if you got it....

I had to do a short story presentation today, lead a class discussion and a game, and it was really cool. If I could be a teacher and just do that with stories that are actually good, like the one I picked, I would love doing that for the rest of my life.
Funny, I don't think the me of June would recognize the mind of me today, but then everything is transient, so I shouldn't really be too surprised. I still think its healthy to respectfully mourn loss as long as one doesn't dwell too long or too severely. And even if that happens, its just another way to do it, some would call it really living, feeling so intensely, I know I would have, but thats not my decision anymore.

I love the tattoo design I made, its absolutely perfect.

Truth: If you got it, you wouldn't know what to do with it.
I want to say that to quite a few people right now.

God there's so much wriggle room in language for misinterpretation by listeners. Especially because other people's minds are quite separate from each other but by the communication we are mis-ing. And nobody want to feel alone, really. Unless they're masochists, or hermits, or a bunch of other things, actually. I still hold its rare.

And when I ask myself to perform as I could and have before, the pressure changes it.
(if you got it, you wouldn't know what to do with it?) That's pretty believable.

Sooooo.

I have been trying to persuade myself to attempt to write the 8 page research paper due monday for a while now. It's not quite working. I guess I don't actually want to make my life easier? I'm going to hate myself sunday. SOooo much.
But as to whether I should really be upset by the procrastination or not, I can't quite say. I mean I kinda enjoy the last minute rush, and complaining about it after wards. And why should I adhere to people telling me that the best thing to do is be on top of silly little school projects. I mean, of course college might be angry at me if I fail my senior year, but its not like I'd fail it, I'd just be up all night and tired the next day.
Well I guess the LOGICAL thing would to be on top of it, but when have I ever listened to logic, or recognized it when its sound?
The silliest part is when I argue for one side, i lean to the other, and then when I switch, I can't figure out why I switched.
Also pointing out, I'm terrible at arguing.
errrrr.

jdfkdjfkldjfkljfsd.
Damnit ahah.
Senioritis so bad.
Maybe I just like feeling bad about not doing it, well its more like thinking bad about doing it, My spirits are pretty merry right now. My brain hyperactive.

And who wants to manipulate themselves anyway? Well whats the line between manipulating and .. oh hell I don't know what to name it. that thing you do thats not reasoning and its not suggesting but its both?
I have a feeling my ability to express myself has taken a turn for the worst?
:/

I applied to target today!