Right now I'm waiting for meg and erin to come and they are 45 minutes late. Everyones always late to everything involving me, which I guess is cool cause I'm always late to school, but not really to other peoples things and I guess there are things that are more important than me, I just really hate waiting. If I start anything its bound to get disrupted, I hate being untimely displaced from things, If I'm not ready to set down that book and I have to it ruins the entire mood of everything and I'm all about moods, although according to some psychology the people most aware of their moods are the most neurotic, which fits me and is unfortunate but I call it being alive, even if there are some people I know who seem so much more alive, that is to say involved and that is to say that I am jealous of them but there won't likely be anything I'll be doing about it.

Note: I miss hanging out with boys. Not the boys of last winter but just REAL boys. I want to rough house and do silly things.

Note: I want to talk more to more people and my own lack of words bothers me

"You need contact daily or conscious is failing."

Certain people I put my hope in fail me, but I think it might be my expectations or lack of ability for delivery on my part.
........self indulgent, self indulgent, self indulgent
its still something I've noticed

"its more they're standing in ponds when they could be gods of the sea"