Rambles. Shambles, Life.

I don't know why.
I really dont know why everytime i think i must assume i've changed. I think its because I must affirm that time is moving, that it still exists, that I still exist. I really can't put my finger on when i stopped really feeling real. Well kind of real. I still can tell that my brain is moving. But I don't know if its of my own accord. I remember a time when I used to care about being free, now I realize that its impossible to be completely free.
It feels almost as if there is a debt we humans owe to something. Maybe its the price of living, because perhaps in nothingness there is freedom. Although I doubt it. Maybe we are pre existing beings that are put into this form of existence by a choice.
Thats an interesting thought.
I really don't think I mind this feeling so much. I feel free of feeling. Which is a weird state of being, and I realize sometimes I feel, but it helps me not be effected too much by other things. Although I don't see why being effected is so bad, its just another way to pass the time.
Which is probably a very bad attitude for me, but I don't feel upset.
Happy content.
It's weird.
hanging suspended in the air. maybe a wind will come and turn me a different direction.
Maybe not.
I'm not sure it really matters.

So last night was the first time i slept in the dark in a very very very long time. Last night it felt like something snapped.
I really don't know what yet.
Well I probably do, I'll just have to search deeper to find it, and i really don't care at the moment.
Why don't I care?
I dont know.