Coming and going.

It seems my life would consist of one freak out after another lately. Maybe that's supposed to mean something, I'm not really sure how to get anything out of anything at the moment. There's a choice I'm not really sure I'm ready to make. And there's something I'm not sure I'm ready to admit.
Perhaps this really could be for the best if I choose it to be, but the thing is I'm not really sure I know what is best right now. I'm terrified. But I can't feel it. I think I completely overloaded my feeling receptors and it needs to take a break. Or maybe theres just too much to feel and this black is just a combination of everything I'm tryint to tell myself.
I think I'll be fine. I think I was fine. I think I'm a hypocrite.
And I'm finally of the edge. What a very long drop. It could be worse.
Well sometimes broken bones come back stronger then they once were.
I'm never going to be perfect.
I hate that.
That is the one thing about me that I actually don't like about myself.
I don't know if im ever going to be okay with that.
But it would appear that ignoring the problem is whats been really eating at me.
Thats why I went into the panic attack. It didn't help I had three people screaming that fact at me. Regardless of whether or not they actually meant it or if they were trying to help or hurt me, I've decided to actually take something from it. But it doesn't seem like they had much of a right to tell me who I should be. It's not like they are any better than me. But I'm not better than them. We just have certain areas where we shine. and apparently they seem to think theirs is more important. Which to be honest kinda pisses me off.
Well anyway, I've decided to take what I can from what they said and the resulting occurences and grow from it. I'm slighty afraid I'm believing it only because they wore me down or to make them see me better, but I kind of want nothing to do with them anymore. So the most likely thing would be that it's because I believe it. I'm not sure they really understood what they were saying anyway. Does anybody ever really understand the full extent of what they are saying?
It is my belief that they don't. But thats okay.
Because everything always can be okay. Depends on ones mindset.
I really think everything is just based off of opinions and opinions change.
I'm going to need to be more careful with myself in this rewiring phase.
Well i guess i saw it coming.