To be honest. I'm not being honest at all. I never could be.
I think people are finally catching up to that.
It seems like this world is but an entire act and I'm not even sure whats behind it anymore. But I'm starting to see little parts of the behind the scenes. And Atleast I'm starting to write my own part now.
And I've decided never to delete a single post on this, because even though some of them I'm not proud of them they still are a part of me. And I should never want to forget that.
I've actually started being worried about the past. Which is weird because I thought I'd learn to let go of that. It just kinda came back to bite me in the ass. Maybe it will pass.
Because like, it seems that every choice really does have a tremendous effect on a person. and it seems like the young beginning years of someones life are very defining. And I was a pretty crummy selfish horrible depressed child. But I seem to be growing out of it. Maybe I'll always just move to who I want to be.
Hopefully. Because things in my brain keep getting better and better and more sorted out. And I'm much more comfortable with who I am.
So maybe there really is nothing to worry about.
I'm probably still going to till I find somethng else to think about. To be honest lately I've been quite and idiot.
I really miss having deep conversations with people.
Although everyone around me seems to be conforming with this new method of not ever being serious and although I've kinda picked up that habit, ashamedly. Honestly, it just kinda bothers me sometimes. I'm not sure if I like it or not. Its like my brain won't go on a deeper level anymore. It scares me. That was something about myself I really liked.
Maybe its a muscle that just needs to be worked out again and itll quickly remember after a while.
It's like my brain feels starved.
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