LaDeDah

So life moves on, with or without me. Weird. What an odd concept to grasp, the sheer lack of influence I have, the lack of say I have in matters that effect me, the inescapable dilemmas which hold no answer. Sure, in a very tiny way I can be a catalyst, and there are certain people I temporarily affect(hopefully positively). And we do and we do not make a difference, depending on what you count as a difference and what is just....well I don't know.
Daily I find more fragility inside of me, how corruptible I am, how I've always had a decent helping of negative. It really is just quite silly that I need to discover this, (again) that it never was/has remained apparent. Although not always.

I guess I just prefer living in, well, a softer world. But that isn't always true.
Thats okay though.
To be honest I feel slightly uncomfortable revealing my faults and naivety.

Its so easy to temporarily forget the little things that make us uneasy, but they are so harshly reinforced. Harsh being a relative term.

I wouldn't say I've become afraid of some of my potential, but I definitely am much more aware of it, to say the least.

Resigning, accepting and giving up are so similar and easily mixed up. The difference though, oh man.
Oh man.

I am so fearful of the future. Vaguely, I remember mr.koccur mentioning that which scares us is the unknown. He couldn't be more right in my case. Except maybe losing control. How childish of me. How typical of a human being.