This, this is my honesty.

Give me something thats new, tell me something I've never been told before, interest me in anything but this. I want to move into the mountains and hide away forever more with my words and my feelings and this intensity. I want no longer to be seen, no one needs to know the things which rush through my head and leave me paralyzed. I am a puppet of my thoughts and feelings. I own the puppet, the string directing it lace back to it. I am not hiding away. I am, against some of my own thoughts, blabbering on about who I think I am and in the process revealing who I am.
Today in the car I thought "I no longer want to ask why, instead I want to ask what." I also tried to pretend that in going through a fog I would enter a slightly altered world, a parallel universe. At this moment I find myself asking, why not? Ha, do you see what my problem is yet? Its an intensely creative delusional mind I live in. Half the time I can just think back on my perceived experiences and think, "that was just a dream." And people call me deep. Ha. Intense, yes. I live on through all the oddness. I feel small. Do you know what I mean, do you feel it as I feel it?
I often reference to standing on the edge. I had an image today in my head of me, standing on the edge of a certain realm, all self indulgently held up high by my dreams, too afraid to take a leap into reality, too nervous to jump into what I might find if I could just convince myself to try. Shaking, terrified. The view was peaceful. I laugh at my self for my intensity, I'm still a child. I feel aged. I am peter pan. (I know I'm not peter pan).
I have such a tangled mind. My labyrinth. No string to help me out. My thoughts are powerful, only to me.
I am afraid of posting this. I'm afraid of being seen and all my input being dismissed because all I have done is worthless. I am both confident of myself and completely in doubt.