Adressed to no one in particular.

A heart can only forgive so many times before it learns to close itself off to a transgression. So much hurt, so many times, it suprising that I can even care about it anymore.
And still they seem to think they deserve to be forgiven, without even seeing the effect it has taken within me. I used to be so venerable to people and their actions, so ready to trust again and again. I can't this time. Its the final straw. I will not be forgotten again and continue to place these people as a priority. Call it being passive and giving up, lack of dedication.
I know what I'm saying is a load of bullshit, but i will allow myself a moment or too of believing what I'm saying, thinking I'm at some epiphany.
I know I'm not.
Then why is it that when I look at them my heart feels nothing?
I used to care, care about people. I feel no motivation any more towards these beings, no compassion for those in tough spots within themselves.
They should fucking grow up.
Stop bringing others down.
Just leave me alone if you were expecting some help.
I'm through with giving my entire being to people who can not appreciate nor even see what is going on. Idiots.
And yet I can not stop myself.
Perhaps I am the idiot thinking I am above them, perhaps I am on a level below them.
I'm at a level I'm comfortable with. Fuck them.

So I realize I'm overreacting. Completely. But something just kind of snapped today. I'm so tired of being dragged down by others and their negativity and begging of me to agree with them. Being molded by thoughts other than myself. I manage to pull myself out of it and I'm sucked right back in the moment I try to focuss on something else.
Stupid old habitts.
I really don't need it.
And yet i feel as if I'm chained down by those i care about.
So tired of forgetting when its important and remembering when I'm drowning in depths I could have avoided had my brain just remembered.
Why can't I remember?
Perhaps it's best to forget.
It's sometime unavoidable.

And here is an inespacable conclusion that I've been trying to avoid for a very long time.
I'm not a people person.
Why do I want to be?