Bet i sound like an idiot

I feel so alive. I started meditating, and I've been getting to bed around 11:30, which is about an hour earlier than ive been getting before. And I've been eating healthy. And spring is cominggggggg. I'm so happy. No reason to be, I just am. Its uderly wonderful. (yes Udder. like a cows
Gah! Nothing to complain about. Nothing at all. 
I love trees. Especially valentines day weeping pussy willow trees. They are my favorite forever and ever and ever.
I love spring. 
hahha, so i bet i sound like an idiot right now. But I just feel so elated. Like I'm finally coming out of this dark spot I've been in forever. I've freed myself of so many worries its not even funny. 
It all started when I was talking to Barathi on friday. I arrived at her house at like 8:00, her parents were like "Hello?" I had prepared myself a wonderful alibi of delivering a grapefruit and tea and music. So they just let me in and I went up to her room we then proceeded to talk for hours about absolutely everything. It went right past all the bullshit conversation we both don't like so much and we got to a whole different level. I havnt done that in forever. I've been getting deep, but theres always been this rift in what we are talking about and what I love talking about.
I hope she knows she's so wonderful; shes been so stressed out lately. Along with all the other stage crew crazies. (I secretly think they like the drama, because why the hell else would they join, no matter how much they complain). 
While on the topic(well near the topic) I really want to write down what has inspired this change within me, because these type things don't happen often and nobody really talks about how it happens. That always bothered me, how many things people never mention. Like you're taught the basics but never how to deal with crazy things in life that are definitely going to happen. But I think these things you have to figure out for yourself, they don't come easy and when it gets this deep in life there are no step by step solutions, life is much too wonderfully complex for that. 
Oh and I hope my dads okay, life on unemployment seems to be bothering the fuck out of him. I've been trying to help, but I don't know how. Yesterday when he couldn't find my social security card for the drivers permit test I just flipped shit. I feel like I always dump my agnst on him. Its a terrible thing. Another terrible thing, I always am so bad at sympathizing when I'm happy, and I lose all these humanistic beliefs I build up when upset.
I would get deeper but I'm not in the mood.
I'll talk about it later. I just don't want to forget this mood.