Apprehension

When signing devon's drumhead i wrote something about how she was awesome and how I was going to miss her a lot. Upon spelling her name wrong, i attempted to make it better by making the top of the i into a part of a heart, but it just looked like some kid took a sharpy and tried to draw a circle. I then drew a line leading to the mistake and pointed out that it was supposed to be a heart, just so she would know that indeed a massive fuck up did happen on her drumhead and no I was not ashamed of it.
I contemplated crossing the whole thing out and writing "make every moment count"
Not sure why I didn't.

Thinking back i don't think i would change a single thing I have done so far this year, or in the past. Sure, at times things feel a little depressingly monotonous and doomed to end in misery, but normally things just straighten out, or become lovable. Normally one of the two.

God I sound so cliche.

I am content.

Ohohoh,
so I saw evan on friday. Something has changed in him, I'm not sure if its the way I see things now or if he actually has changed, but the feeling around him is different now. I think I'm too awkward for him to stand at this point, its not like I don't want to start an interesting question with him, it just seems forbidden now. i miss the days when he used to come over every weekend and sleep over and we would end up getting into rediculously violent play fights, talking about our feelings and drinking tea. I knew it wouldn't last long when it happened. He always was one to come and go in my life, its not a surprise I don't even know him anymore. Its just odd, thinking of what I used to feel for him, all I can sense in regards to him is a twang of memory with perhaps a pinch of regret.
But hey, friends come and go; I shouldn't hold it against him that he so easily fell away.


I don't know if I'm ready for the change my life is about to undergo, but life never really seems to look at us for the go sign before uprooting all we know, so what is there to feel but a rejoicing in the fact that life is?