Experiments.

My moods have been so unpredictable as of late. In English class today, to just kind of introduce ourselves we had to write a response to a poem, which was about not being able to express oneself.

Inability number one.

We were allowed to write about whatever we liked, a lot of people dabled on the basics of who they were, what they wanted other people to see. I want people to see the broken. Maybe that's a flaw, maybe it can't be decided. I felt exposed though and the response gotten wasn't what I wanted. I was so scared to share it, probably because I figured if I put myself on display I would be able to not fear letting people in. No one wants to come in this deep though, they shouldn't want to. I don't know what I want.

Inability number two. Probably should be at three at the moment, maybe four.
I am so full of maybes. I just don't know.
Don't know whether to count that.

I think I think wrong, off. I love my thought processes sometimes but sometimes I just really want to have a calmer brain. I'm addicted to the conflict, and in my obsessional tendencies I fear I have become dramatic and childish, well i should fear it anyway.
i don't know whether to count that or not.

I guess i am conceited, self absorbed definitely. Good thoughts, Stasi, try to focus on the positive. Am I constantly acting? I am bad at it.

Its possible to not think about it, so why do I continue dwelling? I am a ruler off my moods as much as they are a ruler of me.

"My god this is our life, we're living like we're victims" Terry Naomi.
I am.

I would ask who ever reads this to forgive my mood, the past one not being my brightest.


What else do I remember from today? I wish I could put words to all that I think. Kristen's response hit a very strong note with me, I respect her for what she wrote.
Carly also did a nice job, so did Sarah. I liked Sarah's a lot actually. They are such good writers, so different from each other but so satisfying to hear. What is it they have in common? They all bring a sense of emotional honesty to the table, which I guess I value, no I know I do. I find I don't like closed off people as much as I used to, I don't want to deal with them anymore.

My thoughts fly to my flaws, things I should try to improve. I never will try though. I get myself stuck. Secretly I think a lot of life's beauty comes from the moments when I am broken, atleast thats what I think I think. I don't know how true all of my thoughts are, I always have to be careful, if given any choice of what to think about with no consequences I would day dream my life into grandeur.

So many things fall apart so easily. People make promises they know they won't keep, they hold on to things that aren't forever, pretending like they can just adopt them into theirlifstyle without any pain when it dies, when it gets ripped out. I do. I don't know about you.