hmididdlydo

Well now that I'm in a good mood I should probably record it. Ha. Haha. Indoor Drumline is such a good release, I'm glad I joined the pit and I hope they don't put me back on cymbals. Please god, please god please god. Thing I've noticed; sometimes the more we practice the more I steadily get worse. Makes sense, won't explain.
I think for me its more I have plans of getting out of my situation, but I don't think them through. I just expect the world to be there for me catching on to me. I won't chastise myself for not realizing it when I'm doing it, but I just dream much too high. Applying effort in places that don't make a difference. They matter to me god damnit.

I have to go on believing in me there is beauty because if I don't there is no one to reaffirm me, but thats okay. Look in the mirror, tell your soul its beautiful and you care. Repeat three times every day. Working out would offer a solution to my moods. Make your insides feel better. Apply effort! I'm so stubborn. I can't figure it out.

so it seems I'm constantly planning my escape from on spot or another. Run! Run with me! Maybe someday I'll learn. I'm surprisingly content in my unhappiness most of the time though. Or is it fear that holds me back?

I don't know. Its freeing really, in a way. And its not in another, but if i focus on all the bad it won't help. I've learned it doesn't help, haven't learned how not to though. Thats okay.