Scum.

I have not been attending to this poor blog as I used to. Poor poor blog. Not that it had feelings. Itd be nice if it did. My thoughts are all a jumble. Daily I think a hundred thoughts I want to write down but when given the resources I supply nothing of value.
My mom is getting depressed again. She wants to give away the cat. I'm starting to feel like a hypochondriac. Slightly. I'd never let myself go that far. Mostly I just want to not have responsibility. I don't act on it. And sometimes I have this dream that I can hold everything together and be everyone else's rock,but I can barely sustain myself. In conversation daily when it isn't one on one I loathe the abuse words take. I find teachers more fascinating that these people and their triteness and their fear.
I feel bad for my dogs, my mother pays them no attention now. She hasn't seemed to have washed in a few days. I feel sorry for my father. We make fun of her when she's like this. She's got a heavy load, all to herself in her dreaming of a god who will save her. Broken hope never sits well. I can attest to that.

I just want someone to be here with me. I think I do at least.

It will pass. if i would just meditate things would feel better.
Look what we do to ourselves. I'm not depressed. I'm actually mainly better than I have been in a while.