i hate having to search for things. It stops me from doing a lot of things.I don't know if fear is the root of laziness. No one has a good enough answer to that question, and sometimes i see glimpses of an explanation that helps me see its not. I think ideas are very confusing, i normally just go with them when its an inward idea and don't stop to think of the repercussions or logic of the situation. I really am not a huge fan of logic. I also don't think all good thinkers are good mathematicians and I can barely explain why. Sometimes I throw out meaning on the random happenings of life and force myself to feel enlightened. I think that means I'm not. But I also think I had a lot of pseudo potential that I will never follow through with because thats who I am.
I bite my bottom lip a lot now, its a learned behavior, because I like when other people do it to me, it almost seems like a compliment to do to other people. Reading reading into things.
I force myself onto things, my wants. I'm so not lighthearted. I'd like to call it serious but that might connotate dedicated and I'm not sure that would send out the right message. I could be writing something better than this.
There I go again putting my veil of opinion on everything. Faulty faulty opinion. I'm not sure what to do with myself. I've been rather bored as of late, which when I'm in periods of not being bored I get a little proud that I don't get bored, but right now I don't know how to be sane and interested at the same time so I'm just going to be bored and try not to move things around so much because I'm in a spot that is more comfortable than where I've been even though I feel lonely and I shouldn't blame other people. Its just kind of insulting to be so lonely. People have such cool little tweaks in their personality that aren't normals and don't really make sense until you think about them and then you just get confused and I think thats on of my favorite parts of people.
Stop accusing me, I'm just trying to follow the instructions that have been given to me. Maybe you don't understand, and I know I don't really either. This world would be easier if we just tried to give each other breaks. Constantly searching for refirmation, no one really caring to show it, or seeing it to show it. This musings mean nothing, remember remember.
So egotistical. This this is how we operate.
You can pick a thousand holes in what I think but what is gonna change?