Winter Break

So somewhere along that path of what has happened there was a major split. Like super major crazy unplottable shift. I feel so weird right now, not myself at all, but totally at home and totally me. I'm kind of afraid this is permanent, because I feel like an idiot. A brainless idiot. I think this has happened before, I think its just my brain being bored and trying a "new thing". I really don't care a shit for anything bad in my life. I feel free. I feel unintelligent. I wonder if this is what people who have a low iq feel like. So many less things to consider. I could almost fly. I need something deep to stir my stagnant mind at the moment. I wouldnt call it stagnant, but things are beginning to settle and all float to the top. I'm sure tomorrow it won't be like this, but for the moment I think I'll just enjoy drifting along. Maybe this is a form of intelligence. Being able to let go. Haha

I am not someone who typically can be this easily care free. This is so weird. 

SO so weird. 

This hasnt happened in forever. 

I didnt even know i could still think like this. How incredibly odd. 

You know for a while I had been thinking about how I've just been preparing for something. Forming ideas and training myself, so one day i can just unleash the tigtly pulled cord holding me wherever i have been and just go. Its how I feel before a drumline show. So much tension, so many last minute preperations. I think for the moment im finally springing into action. I'm not sure if this is the wisest of all decisions. 

Its such a back and forth experience sometimes, I dont really feel like im making much ground, just moving backwards and forwards. 

I really think i should think about this before i make a final decision, but i cant make myself. 

HMmm.

Well im sure eventually life will solve itself out. 

You know what?

I'm not afraid right now. 

For the first time in a long time I am not afraid. 

Why does this have to be a bad thing?

I'm not thinking, so im not sure i can answer myself. 

hmmmmm.