Nothing really new.
On Sunday I got a massage from my sister, thats what shes at school for. I find it kind of sad that just as I'm getting old enough to learn to know her, I have to leave. We really seem to be a lot alike, I think I could learn a lot from her. I don't know if I still want to go into massage therapy, it seems monotonous, but I still have it as a plan f.
She asked me if I was happy, it really caught me off gaurd. I said something along the lines of "for the most part" or "generally". There's not really much to complain about, I need to be upset and have ups and downs. I can't just be constantly happy, it gets mind numbing, I haven't learned how to think well when in a new permanent state of happy, and when I don't think well I get upset and fuck up myself. See the vicious cycle yet? I sure do. But I don't mind it, I like my sort of happy.
I need to fix the fact that I can't care about school. I really try to, I jsut can't do it. I hope I'm not screwing up the rest of my life.
I really kind of like having a lower self confidence, its so much easier to accept the way I am. I was always fighting off reality, it got really tiring. . I just feel like I'm seeing the me I am.
Have a nice day. :]
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