So lately....

Theres not much to say anymore. 

I made what seemed like a large decision regarding self about 34 hours ago.

I feel different, I feel the same. 

I still haven't gotten my period. I'm kind of pissed, its about three weeks and four days late. I know I'm not preggers, and I haven't been not eating that much. I just haven't been hungry lately. I think its going off of the birth control. It really seems it changed me so much. I even haven't been that stressed out lately, not as much as I have been. I've just been realizing a lot of shit. 

I don't feel special anymore. If I ever was I think I lost it. I just feel alive. I'm not exceptional, which is okay. I was led to believe so long that I was, but I think it hurt me more than helped me. 

I have a lot to say but most of it seems common sense. 

I'm not attractive. I would like to say I'm not shallow, but I've been feeling utterly vile lately. It doesn't even bother me any more. I know I used to be attractive. Some how or another I lost it. We all lose it in the end. I dont mean beauty by it. I mean IT. I guess I miss it. I'm sure it makes all the difference, but the difference isn't that bad. Even if it were it seems useless wishing for something that is unreachable. That I don't care enough to go for. There are more important things to go for. I've been finding goals.

That is so weird. I've always just floated along. 

I really love the people i care about. I hope they feel loved.  I hope everyone in the world gets whatever form of love they want. No one doesn't deserve it. I don't even care if they've murdered a million people. I don't care if you disagree. Thats my opinion, why would you want me to change it?

Tonight I just really don't care. I might in the morning.